Even if you are just keeping it simple, you have launched your unofficial career as a coordinator, and you have at least 50 choices to make still, people asking you questions weekly and a sneaking permanent suspicion you are forgetting something (something big…..like ordering dinner plates…even though you have double checked three different times and you most certainly have).
You will laugh about the re-ocurring dreams of people having to eat tossed fig salad with their hands in formal wear later…….But for now-
Music, invites, dresses, colors, shuttles and oh yes you.
Unfortunately there have been in your life and currently are whispers or perhaps shouts coming from all directions telling you that YOU also need attention in this wedding planning. Well of course-you are the bride to be. Sadly these messages aren’t just about picking a hairstyle you love or planning dress shopping, commonly they say “you need to change”. These messages make suggestions for routines, cleanses, steps and provide you with guides or plans. Under these is a big fat lie.
This is the lie: you need to change because you aren’t (fill in the blank) enough.
These are truths: you are already ready at this very moment and in every way so perfectly a beautiful masterpiece in motion and deserving of all the love and joy you have. You ARE enough to say “I Do”. The person who asked you to marry them doesn’t want to marry anyone different than who they asked that very moment-size, shape, hair color, boob size, shoe size, fears, strengths, dreams. (If they do think you need to be different in any way…..well that’s a whole other situation that needs to be addressed as soon as possible.)
Diet culture would lead you to believe you are not enough. A massive and very profitable lie.
It’s easy to get swept away in it all too. The insta wedding diet/work out/ cleanse/detox floods in from all directions as if this is completely normal to have on your to-do list. Here are five tips to support you nourishing yourself amongst it all.
I don’t mean with juices or quitting sugar. Detox your social media life ASAP. Here is a short and sweet guide I created that helped me clean up some of the unhelpful clutter I uncovered and which I like to re-visit every now and then to help me pause and check what I am feeding myself when I scroll on the bus, waiting in line and all the many other times.
5 minutes social media detox
- Open your social media
- As you look at various posts/comments/images/adds pause and consider each one and ask yourself this
- Does this make me feel good about myself, the way I am right now in this moment?
- Does this make me want to restrict myself in some way?
- Does this make me wish I looked different or were more like someone else?
- Does this make me wonder if I am attractive or enough of anything (ex: tall enough,toned enough, rich enough, interesting enough, creative enough) the way I am right now in this moment?
- DELETE. UNFOLLOW. DE-FRIEND. Anything that makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you think you should cut something out, makes you wish you looked different in any way, had different things or were more like someone else and anything that makes you feel like you aren’t attractive or enough the way you are now. Don’t skip adds either, delete them, request to not see them anymore or even actually report them as harmful.
- Repeat once a month or as desired
- Consider following some of these instead:@chr1styharrison @fionawiller @haes_sizediveristy @themindfuldietitian @meganbray_dietitian @bodypositiveyoga @bravespacenutrition
2. Practice Saying No
Maybe you already own this. For those of us who are leaning into it, it is always a good reminder that you cannot and will not ever please everyone and that is ok. That is normal. It is healthy to say “No”, especially when it means you are acting in a way that cares for yourself emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. Historically women have been for the most part encouraged to be polite, agreeable, pleasant, self sacrificing-you fill in the blank, all of which go hand in hand with generally saying “Yes” to other people. Practice saying no. You have every right to say no at any time to anyone or anything and you also don’t owe them an explanation either (back to that one about being agreeable and polite). I am not saying to embrace being rude or throw manners out the window and refuse to give up your bus seat to an elderly person. I am saying that people who truly love and respect you will also love and respect you just as much when you say no as yes, even if they may disagree or not be as thrilled about it.
Some phrases you might try out
- That won’t be necessary
- I don’t like……
- I don’t want…….
3. Schedule Time for Joyful Movement
Forcing yourself to the gym or to do a work out that you hate…..well that’s not really putting lots of joy into your life is it? Punishing yourself or forcing yourself doesn’t have to be the way forward. If you find yourself feeling more connected with your body during or looking forward to a form of movement-that is where it’s at. That kind of movement benefits your health in even more ways than just working muscles, pumping blood or stretching you out. It can take some experimenting, thinking outside the box and also a bit of getting to know yourself better to land on something that feels right (and that something/s may change over time). It isn’t about being disciplined enough to stick to a 30 day plan, it’s about exploration and creating space so get to have time connecting with your body in the way you find pleasing. Bottom line-You do you and listen to your own body. Diet culture would tell you that you need a strict plan, you need to change the shape of your body because it’s not good enough the way it is now, you need to lose weight, you need to improve yourself and you need to just have the willpower to do it all. There is no shortage of suggestions for how you might accomplish this so be cautious of what you hear and read bride to be. If you “have” to do it, do you really want to do it? Why? Who for?
4. Make Plans for Nature Time
Research shows that time spent in nature has a positive impact on our health and our mood. With every detail needing attention, the effort of practicing saying no to family and friends, figuring out payments and oh yes doing regular life at the same time-our mental health and stress could certainly use some support. Even if you can’t get out in a big national park so you get that alone in the woods feeling maybe a city park with trees or botanical garden is more accessible. Even bringing pictures of nature or actual living plants into your work space or home could have positive impact. You are more than just muscles and skin. Your mind, heart and soul deserve to be nourished as well. If nature just doesn’t do it for you for whatever reason, what does help clear your mind, calm you, ground you?
Eat when you are hungry. Eat food that brings you pleasure and satisfies you. Diet culture will lead you to believe you should restrict and control what you are eating and that message will come in all kinds of flavors. Buy low fat snacks, cut out dairy or gluten, cut out sugar, don’t eat any pizza, don’t eat too much, don’t eat too late, don’t have dessert-just to name a few. You already get enough messages telling you in various ways on a regular basis you should diet, but weddings and brides bring a big marketing opportunity for dieting. It got in my head too. Why? It is made to seem so normal, doesn’t everybody do some form of adjustments to their eating to “look their best” for their big day? Surely one doesn’t simply just …..get married….. Again, you don’t need to change to be married to the love of your life, especially not how your body looks. You don’t need to be fixed or made better. You are enough exactly as you are in this moment. You are so much so that someone wants to spend their entire life with you.
Congratulations to you and the one you love!
One of the my favorite pieces of advice a stranger gave me two days before our wedding was this ” from the moment you say I Do and walk back down the aisle together hand and hand-don’t let go of each other. The rest of the night stay together. Otherwise with so much going on and so many people who want to talk with you and see you, you could end up spending the whole night apart. I use to be a wedding coordinator and can’t tell you how many times I have seen that happen. Grab on and don’t let go.” It was also one of my favorites because she asked permission first. She respected that I may not actually want any advice and when it comes to weddings since everyone has something to say and a lot of the time they don’t ask you first if you want to hear about it.